For whatever happy reasons (many of which have to do with privilege of course), I rarely get to the end of a day and feel the need to collapse. I’m not exhausted. I’m not pulled in too many directions. I don’t find the monotony mind-numbing. I don’t feel as though I’m going crazy. And I don’t feel like my talent (i.e. brain) is being wasted. I know that my ability (and want) to stay home is nothing to take for granted. And I also know that with only one young child, I’m surely counting my chickens before they hatch. But is it bad to say that my parenting experience hasn’t been very hard? Mostly it’s been quietly enjoyable.

I will admit that I try to keep my good fortune hidden from others. Very few sleep-deprived people appreciate knowing that I regularly sleep 8 hours a night. Very few anxious people find it comforting that I am not worried about my child’s exposure to germs, allergens or friendly dog licks. So while this post already probably seems insufferable to those dealing with these daily issues, it is not meant to be so. I simply wanted to offer another look at this “very daunting” task of parenting. We’ve been told over and over again that it’s the hardest job in the world! It’s “All Joy and No Fun!” I don’t disagree that for many many Americans, parenting is very difficult. And there are certain social and economic issues that will continue to make it so. But maybe, just maybe, if we didn’t frame parenting as either suuuuper hard or transcendingly amazing, we could make it a little less hard for ourselves.

Truth be told, one of the reasons that I think my parenting experience has been a little easier is because that’s been one of my goals since the day my kiddo was born. I want this job to be as easy as it can be. I can’t take away all of the chores and upkeep and tedium and planning that goes with parenting, but I can try to make every step easier. That in itself is some of the “work” that I’m doing.

I don’t know that our grandparents had an “easy” time of parenting, but as we’ve heard many times, they expected their kids to entertain themselves and only come home when it got dark outside. I don’t know if they had collectively read the latest studies indicating that what children needed most for “proper” development was fresh air, exercise and the ability to work out problems on their own. But that’s what they delivered, allowing themselves some time to do things besides “parent.” Were they trying to make things easier for themselves? I’ve written about the idea that making our own lives harder doesn’t make our kids lives’ better. Helping our kids to be (in small ways) self-sufficient is a great start on the path to making our lives easier. The less that I have to do for you, the more I can do elsewhere (even if that more is “less”- like sitting and thinking for a few minutes).

One of the easiest ways for parents to bond is to commiserate about the difficulties they’re experiencing. We need these supports and ways to identify, but maybe we could also talk about how we’re working to make parenting easier for ourselves too.

I wish it weren’t so taboo when I casually mention that things are going well and that I’m not ready to pull my hair out just yet.