I wasn’t always anxious to be in the Mom Club. It was a little funny that I would weigh in on parental issues when I didn’t have a kid of my own, but I didn’t mind it if that meant I could sleep in until I was in my 30s. Then, the day arrived when I became a member of that very large group. I was a mom.

At first, I was anxious to see my own experiences reflected in the experiences of other moms. I wanted my own little world to be made bigger, but also to be validated by others. I wanted to know that I wasn’t alone. So I sought out mom friends (holla Mindful Mamas!), shared some of myself and felt steadier because of the communities that I had found.

But here comes the confession (you knew there had to be a ‘but’ coming): I am now cured of that initial pull to identify with other moms. This is not to say that I don’t want the mom friends that I have or other mom friends in the future! Friends! It is just to say that I don’t feel the need to connect with every other mom I see out for a walk with her kid simply because she’s a mom. She might be nice, but I probably don’t even want to make eye contact with her. I don’t want either of us to presume that we know what the other is going through just because we smile at one another.

I don’t want to hold my kid up for another mom to inspect. I don’t want to be on instantly “intimate terms” with other moms just because we both have kids. I don’t want to recount my daughter’s trials and triumphs to strangers and let them count her (non-existent) teeth. I don’t want to do the standard comparison of, “Is she crawling yet? Mine is scooting around the furniture already!” (Amazing! Babies doing baby things!) I don’t want the title of MOM to be in capital letters while every other role I own is forgotten. I don’t want to tell you my “birth story.” Meh. I want to heckle and make jokes.

Having people who vaguely understand your current life can be invaluable, but that doesn’t have to be EVERY PERSON YOU MEET. I’d like to save some self-disclosure and personal stuff until we’ve at least been on our 2nd date. So I’m sorry to say that if I don’t know you (or see some sort of kindred spirit within you), I’m not really interested in how old your kid is or what their favorite food is. Not a very MOM thing to say, I know.

So while I’m cool to be in the club, at the meetings I’ll just watch from the back of the room and then leave early to get a beer.