When I got involved in the parenting blogosphere a few years ago, I had no idea that so many other people had already thought to write about parenting issues. I was savvy even then.

So now it’s a couple of years in, I’ve read many a parenting book, taught parenting classes, had consultations with parents on what to do with challenging behaviors and I still am rounding out my knowledge base and my opinions. But I find a “new” trend to be a little alarming even though it has to do with people following parenting advice (which ostensibly I should love): having a parental philosophy.

Why the concern, Katie? There’s been a lot of chatter on the web about RIE parenting of late & “free-range parenting“, which both seem to be on the rise as a response to the ideas of concerted cultivation and attachment parenting (don’t forget “helicopter parenting”). I think that if you read my blog at all, you’ll be able to guess which way I tend to lean in this debate, but I’d like to take a different path if I may.

I’d like to make an argument for NOT HAVING A PARENTAL PHILOSOPHY.

I recently read a post defending RIE parenting and explaining it’s basic tenets. After having digested the <albeit> rather sensible information that I found there, I couldn’t get rid of one pesky problem with it. The author of the post cited herself as being an “RIE parent” and classified little ones as “RIE kids.” What’s the problem with that Katie? Defining yourself by the way that you parent leaves very little wiggle room for you to try something new. If you want to go off-book but know that it will be going against the rules, you might not break with your philosophy. But what does this matter if the philosophy is the best one around? I would wager that before our kids are parents, there will be even more, as-yet unthought of parenting philosophies. So who’s to say that any of them are the best? In fact, many who ascribe to a certain philosophy, much like religious fanatics, are truly convinced that there’s is the best (read: only) way to parent. As we more narrowly define ourselves, we make it harder to branch out, see others’ points of view and even grow personally.

I was recently informed of a play group being formed in my neighborhood with the intent of being a RIE space for kids to learn and develop in. Again, this sounds like an idea that I can get behind, but…I still have reservations. I like the idea that parents there won’t be hovering over their kids. Thumbs up. I dislike the idea that I have now entered a space that is so homogenous. We could all stand around and pat each other on the backs for not screaming when our kids tripped and fell (don’t get me wrong, I love a back-pat), but how is that depiction of the world realistic? The realistic world is that you’ll go to the park and your kid will fall and other parents will worry over her while you stay seated. If we try to recreate the world in the image of our philosophy, where will it end?

I’m not saying don’t have opinions or don’t read things or don’t like something more than something else <cough, RIE, cough>. I am saying that keeping an open mind is one valuable lesson that we’d like to teach our kids. Accepting other people and their ideas- another good one. Let’s tread lightly when we feel that our philosophy being threatened means that our way of life is being threatened.

If we all just loosened up our grasp on OUR PHILOSOPHIES(!), we might find that not having one is the best philosophy of all.