“Well my son was reading by the time he was 9 and 1/2 months!”

“My daughter could sit up when she was just 5 months old!”

“My son didn’t start walking until he was 18 months!”

These are the urban legends and worries that all parents hear when talking with other parents. Everyone knows someone whose kid is lagging behind. Everyone knows someone whose kid is light years ahead. And we all compare those stories to our own dear ones. How are they faring when we put them next to their peers? That kid seems to be picking things up with more dexterity. That other kid appears to have much better penmanship.

WHAT DOES ALL OF THIS MEAN? ARE OUR KIDS FAILING AT THINGS? AND ARE WE FAILING THEM? AHHH!

Comparing our kids to their relative age groups is certainly a good way to gauge their general progress. The problem arises when we let these comparisons become the basis for our decision making for our kids. And when we let these comparisons sew seeds of worry within us. As we all race to the top in our ever competitive world, we want our kids to be able to scramble toward “success” just as well as the kid sitting next to them on the kindergarten rug.

I’m guilty of this syndrome too. I sometimes watch for “milestones” a little too suspiciously and take a little too much pride in bragging about my daughter’s ability to do something. Parents who flaunt their kids’ mastery of certain skills are just as culpable as parents who are fearful of their child’s lagginess. It’s difficult for us to change the culture of competition that we’re experiencing right now, but perhaps if we meet in the middle and all try to worry a little less about how our kids are progressing we might get somewhere. I know, easier said than done.

My one (perhaps misguided) tactic to combat my own feelings of ‘worry by comparison’ is to stay just ignorant enough of upcoming milestones that my daughter should be working towards. Sure I read parenting books and I have a vague idea of child development (she should walk…someday, right?), but the small specifics of how and when often vary so widely for different kids that clinging to these ages and stages DOES ME NO GOOD. I’m not saying that everyone should join with me in my blissful ignorance, but I am suggesting that we each find a way for ourselves to compare our kids to yardsticks and each other a little less. If we compare less, then our feelings of worry should inevitably decrease, yes? Maybe.

Who knows how much I actually know about parenting? But I don’t think that I’d be wrong in saying that parental worry does not increase a) a child’s success b) a child’s overall happiness & sense of well-being  c) the parent’s overall happiness & sense of well-being and d) the parent’s ability to make well-informed decisions about their child.

So before we move the chains to cover the next set of skills to worry over, maybe we should tone down our inner comparing voice and give ourselves and our kids a break.