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“I don’t like peas!”

February 15, 2012 katierobinsonLeave a comment

Have you ever heard this protest before? It’s hard to know when kids mean it since they tend to say that they “don’t like” many varied (and often healthy) foods.

Personally, I also hear “That’s yucky!” a little too often for my taste.

So where do kids get these ideas that they don’t like food that they’ve never tried or aren’t hungry for? Can it be… from the adults in their lives? Have you ever asked a kid if she didn’t like something on her plate because she wasn’t eating it?

Once upon a time, I witnessed just such a display. I was having dinner with some family members and my cousin and her husband were there with their young son (you know who are if you’re reading this :). Their little boy wasn’t really in the mood for eating for whatever reason. So his dad asked him if he didn’t like what we were having for dinner. His mom stepped in immediately and said that of course he liked it and that they shouldn’t ask that question of him. That breakdown has made me wary of those simple words, “Don’t you like it?”

Just yesterday I offered a taste of my salad to a young man who I watch. It had sweet dressing on it that I thought he would really enjoy (since just yesterday he also said that his tummy was “Candy hungry”). He replied very calmly that he didn’t like salad. I asked him what he meant and he said that he didn’t like any type of salad. In my logical brain, I guess that means that he’s tried every kind of salad there is. Quite a feat for such a little man. I’m pretty sure that he didn’t put this all together on his own, but now he’s pretty resistant to trying salad (or other foods) if his mind has been up that he doesn’t like it.

So while we can’t avoid the food monster making things unacceptable for our children to eat, perhaps we can avoid enabling their censorship of said foods.

Don’t you like it?

Decisions decisions…

January 24, 2012 katierobinsonLeave a comment

What would you like, a hug or a hi-five?

Which book are we going to read while you sit on the potty? Thomas or Brown Bear?

What would you like to drink with lunch? Water or milk?

Which socks are you going to wear? Red or gray?

The subtext to each of these questions is that:

1. I’m taking my leave and would like a goodbye.

2. It’s time to sit on the potty.

3. It’s time for you to come to the table for lunch.

4. Socks should be on. We’ve got to get going.

But in each case, giving them a choice eases our social interaction. If “it’s time for ____” was the main thing that I said everyday, then everyone would be annoyed with me (including myself). Choices not only give kids a sense of power and control in their little lives, they can also serve as a reminder or prompt of what to do next. And it allows kids to take ownership of their responsibilities. If they get to pick what socks they wear, they just might surprise you and opt to put their socks on by themselves as well.

Plus it’s always a good idea to set up interactions that can be successfully achieved and then praise your kids for achieving them. “You came to the table all by yourself! Great job!”

Giving a choice to a hesitant or unwilling kid isn’t always going to make your interaction without headache, but it can certainly be a place to start. Hmm, decisions, decisions.

Time to go potty!

January 16, 2012 katierobinsonLeave a comment

I have a friend from college who has two kids and a blog in which he writes about their exploits (and some of his own). He wrote a post last week about his younger child and their first steps on the road to potty training. It put me in mind of some potty experiences that I’ve been having lately with a young friend of mine.

Potty training seems to be either the best or the worst. Parents often brag about their child’s ability to train themselves if it was easy for them and lament the travails of accidents and underwear if it is not. There are so many tips and techniques for quick and painless potty training that it’s difficult to choose. Parents magazine does a good job of consolidating tips from parents that have worked for them.

I have definitely been using the incentive route to promote the potty. Candy corn is hard-ish to find “out of season,” but it has become synonymous with the term “potty treat.” I had been using the potty treat simply as a reward for using the potty, but after some accidents (always occurring when play would have been interrupted by a trip to the potty), I have begun using the treat as a reward for dry pants as well. “Are your pants wet or dry?” Woo hoo! Dry pants!

Tip #7 from Parents is also a winner. A timer or potty watch that helps to remind kids that it’s time to go can give them more ownership and responsibility (ideally) over their own toileting habits.

And one idea that I’d like to try comes from Supernanny’s website. Number 8 says to set aside a special toy or book for use only on the potty. We read and sing on the potty, but having one coveted item that can only be used during potty time is just another incentive for getting there and staying there.

So, is it time to go potty? Yes!

Balancing nature & nurture

November 22, 2011 katierobinsonLeave a comment

The age-old argument pitting nature and nurture against each other as opposites is, for my taste, too dichotomous. As almost every rational person will tell you, you cannot choose solely to parent as a “naturist” or a “nurturer” when raising children. Instead parents are faced with the question of when they should allow nature (or natural consequences) to direct behavior and when they should step in to guide, enforce rules, etc. Should I interfere or should I see how it plays out?

If two kids are playing in the basement and one starts to cry, what should the immediate response be? I know that there are other questions that would be asked of me if I were not simply typing this into outer space, like: How old are the kids? How often does one or the other start to cry? Do they play well together? Are there things in the basement that might hurt a child? What kind of cry is it? All valid questions. But as often happens, parents or caregivers might not know the answers to all of these questions.

So instead, as a caregiver, I find myself hovering at the top of the stairs, out of sight, but listening to see what happens next. Maybe it was a cry of frustration and the child rights herself quickly. Maybe it was a little hurt, a trip or a bump and the child can either shake it off or magically, their companion comforts them. Maybe it was an “I’m bleeding and scared!!!!” cry. Whatever the problem is, it is generally tricky to stop oneself from reacting right away.

Being too quick to respond can lead to problems for kids. If they don’t know how to negotiate a solution to everyday problems (i.e. arguing over a toy) without an adult stepping in to help, then their ability to a) cope with disappointment when they don’t get the toy & b) express themselves to get what they want may be impeded. If the natural consequence to their crying does not include getting the toy from the other child, then perhaps they will begin to learn that crying for things doesn’t get them for you. It might be a noisy and anxiety provoking lesson for parents, but it could be useful for the kid.

On the other side of the coin, allowing children to do as they please or take care of themselves from too young an age are very “naturist” ways of parenting. Without bedtimes, structured meals, house rules and expectations, parents are asking for another series of problems. Maybe your child is very good at negotiating with other kids and with you because they’ve been given too much practice at having control over their environment. They can talk you out of making them go to bed on time. Or they can simply distract you until their bedtime is long past.

Parenting is about walking the line in between these two “choices.” Kids need guidance, structure and discipline. But they also need to be able to explore on their own, pick themselves up when they fall and have a sense of individuality. It’s not always easy to decide what response you should give, so try to act proportionally. Walk the line & try to keep your balance.