Category: Praise

How old are kids typically when they are able to start following simple verbal directions?

Asking a two year old to do something or retrieve something for you and seeing their first compliance is like a miracle! All of a sudden your child is a little older, a little wiser and a little more able to disregard your requests. Yes!!

So now, what do you do with a two year old who is able to ignore you or does not follow through on something simple that you’d like him or her to do? They empty the box of puzzle pieces onto the floor. Then they immediately move on to another project. You slip on a puzzle piece as you come in to the room. “Uh oh, puzzle pieces everywhere. Please put them back in the box.” Your child looks up at you, then returns to the new fun they’ve found. What next? Pick them up yourself? Yell? Stand there with your mouth open? Ask again? Demand they be picked up or the child will go to time out? Hmmm…

I have an idea! Help them to do what you’ve asked of them. They might know what you’re asking, but they might not. With young kids who are just getting the hang of listening to directions, they could be “disobeying” or they could just not know what you’re talking about. So in this instance, you can get down on their level and ask again to put the pieces back in the box. Indicate the pieces & the box. Sometimes I even like to break it down and just start with the direction, “Pick up.” With two step directions (i.e. pick them up and put them in the box), little kids can get confused and even overwhelmed. We think it’s simple. They might not.

If this still gets no response, don’t worry. Take one of their hands, lay it on a puzzle piece and see what happens. Nothing? Still don’t worry. Hold their hand and help them pick up a piece with it, then place it in the box. This will probably get the ball rolling since now they have a real sense of what they’ve been asked to do. Aha! Now I get it Dad, you want me to put these things in this thing. Got it!

Your child may start to cry or fuss since they’re being taken away from something else. Just make sure that the task is manageable for them. Maybe have only 3 or 4 pieces for them to take care of, while you do the rest. Then once they have completed their part of the job, you praise the heck out of them. Telling them specifically what you liked about what they did. “You put all of the puzzle pieces IN!” They’ll start to get the idea that a) those weird shapes are called puzzle pieces and that b) this is a way to get positive attention. Kids love a good fuss when parents are making it on their behalf.

So with a little help from you (even if you did most of the clean up), they’ll start to feel some pride in their emerging abilities because you’re showing them that they should be proud of them and that you believe them capable of doing certain things. Help them to do the things that you’d like them to do. They’ll get used to it & pretty soon when it’s time for them to set the table, you’ll just have to ask and they’ll know what to do.

How can you help if your young child is misbehaving while out of your control?

Try to replace the negative behaviors that he or she exhibits at home with positive ones instead. If your child ever shows you the same misbehavior at home, then show them what you’d rather see instead. My young friend who is having trouble keeping her hands to herself when mom is not with her is facing this same struggle. So I gave mom and dad some tips to help correct the behavior.

#1 Make sure that there is a consequence at the daycare for when she’s acting out. If they have not given her one and you are called to come, then you should give her a consequence immediately. In this case, they use time outs with her.

#2 If she shows you hitting behavior with her stuffed animals, simply take the toy that she was playing with, turn your attention from her and be kind and gentle with the toy, talking as you cuddle it to show her what you want. Besides wanting the toy back, she’s also going to want your attention back. In this case, chances are that she was hitting it to get attention in the first place. Limiting attention given to her for her negative behaviors is a good place to start when trying to get rid of those same behaviors.

#3 If you’d like to try something a bit more systematic, you can use a very simple daily chart at home that requires 2 stars or smileys per set amount of time in order for her to earn a reward or dessert, etc. This works especially well if you find yourself taking these things away from her as a consequence. Replacing the “take away” with giving her the power to earn the “treat” is a good way to spin the situation around and make it more about positive reinforcement than punishment.

There’s more that we discussed of course, but these were some good places to start. And as I told mom and dad, if you’re not sure that you’re going to use a chart regularly, then you should not adopt it & that you should see how small modifications go first before throwing everything you had at a problem. You don’t want to find your toolbox empty before the situation has been corrected.

That question has been asked of me by a number of parents over the years. They let me know before leaving that little Johnny or Sue isn’t down with eating anything right now. They simply throw their food everywhere. Or I’ll hear that little Oscar or Ashley is very into telling adults no and that I shouldn’t be surprised if I have a little fight on my hands when it’s time to…go to the library, get ready for bed, or eat lunch.

Sometimes miraculously, sometimes not, when these parents get home from wherever, I’ll give them the report and they’ll come to find that there were no problems at mealtime or that our outing went smoothly or that bedtime was a breeze. And the question comes. How did you do it?

Parents and sitters are different, I know, but the techniques that make looking after kids a success can be applied by anyone. There should be little mystery in how to make your child behave, listen or be polite. Yet, there seems to be in many cases. Maybe a blog of kid filled anecdotes is one way to take some of the mystery out.