Category: Kids

Second weigh-in

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How can you help if your young child is misbehaving while out of your control?

Try to replace the negative behaviors that he or she exhibits at home with positive ones instead. If your child ever shows you the same misbehavior at home, then show them what you’d rather see instead. My young friend who is having trouble keeping her hands to herself when mom is not with her is facing this same struggle. So I gave mom and dad some tips to help correct the behavior.

#1 Make sure that there is a consequence at the daycare for when she’s acting out. If they have not given her one and you are called to come, then you should give her a consequence immediately. In this case, they use time outs with her.

#2 If she shows you hitting behavior with her stuffed animals, simply take the toy that she was playing with, turn your attention from her and be kind and gentle with the toy, talking as you cuddle it to show her what you want. Besides wanting the toy back, she’s also going to want your attention back. In this case, chances are that she was hitting it to get attention in the first place. Limiting attention given to her for her negative behaviors is a good place to start when trying to get rid of those same behaviors.

#3 If you’d like to try something a bit more systematic, you can use a very simple daily chart at home that requires 2 stars or smileys per set amount of time in order for her to earn a reward or dessert, etc. This works especially well if you find yourself taking these things away from her as a consequence. Replacing the “take away” with giving her the power to earn the “treat” is a good way to spin the situation around and make it more about positive reinforcement than punishment.

There’s more that we discussed of course, but these were some good places to start. And as I told mom and dad, if you’re not sure that you’re going to use a chart regularly, then you should not adopt it & that you should see how small modifications go first before throwing everything you had at a problem. You don’t want to find your toolbox empty before the situation has been corrected.

Small and sweet

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A funny little story:

Once upon a time, not too long ago, a young friend of mine came back from an outing that involved…chocolate ice cream! It was easy to tell that it had been on the menu because it was also on his shirt, shorts and all over his face. I joked that his face must taste sweet like the ice cream that he had eaten and that if I licked him he’d be like a human ice cream cone. His reply was, “Do it!” So I took a tiny lick of his chocolate face and remarked how delicious he was. He smiled and went back to playing, staying as chocolatey as ever. Yum!

26 and still learning

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While I am not 26, my brother very recently reached that ripe old age. We spent the weekend with him and my parents to celebrate his birthday and spend some time together as a family. They live out of state, so we don’t see them all too often and when we do, it generally involves a lot of togetherness time.

My brother is developmentally disabled and while he seems pretty old and should therefore be pretty capable, he is not. He gets angry over small things, obsesses on equally small things and has trouble expressing his feelings in appropriate ways. Some of these behaviors were seen this weekend, as just a few hours spent with him will make them difficult to avoid.

I try my best not to interfere too much in the systems that my parents have in place since they spend time with him day in and day out, but occasionally, a correction from me is called for. This weekend I found the theme of these to be that I needed to provide my brother with the words to express what he wanted before or even during a small temper tantrum so that his feelings of frustration could be alleviated. I also often find myself doing this with a young friend of mine (a 3 year old). They both want something. Sometimes it is clear to you without them telling you and sometimes it is not, but when they feel themselves being thwarted from getting it (even if it is something that they would be allowed to have), their immediate reactions involve a bit of yelling, sometimes crying and general incoherence. In these cases, I try to begin sentences for both of them that would help them get what they want. “Katie, can I please…?” And amazingly enough, when you open your mouth to speak rather than to cry or grumble, you get more of what you want than if you tried it the other way.

Candy, please!

How did you do it?

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That question has been asked of me by a number of parents over the years. They let me know before leaving that little Johnny or Sue isn’t down with eating anything right now. They simply throw their food everywhere. Or I’ll hear that little Oscar or Ashley is very into telling adults no and that I shouldn’t be surprised if I have a little fight on my hands when it’s time to…go to the library, get ready for bed, or eat lunch.

Sometimes miraculously, sometimes not, when these parents get home from wherever, I’ll give them the report and they’ll come to find that there were no problems at mealtime or that our outing went smoothly or that bedtime was a breeze. And the question comes. How did you do it?

Parents and sitters are different, I know, but the techniques that make looking after kids a success can be applied by anyone. There should be little mystery in how to make your child behave, listen or be polite. Yet, there seems to be in many cases. Maybe a blog of kid filled anecdotes is one way to take some of the mystery out.