Change – Page 8 – From the Land of Pleasant Parenting

26 and still learning

July 25, 2011 katierobinsonLeave a comment

While I am not 26, my brother very recently reached that ripe old age. We spent the weekend with him and my parents to celebrate his birthday and spend some time together as a family. They live out of state, so we don’t see them all too often and when we do, it generally involves a lot of togetherness time.

My brother is developmentally disabled and while he seems pretty old and should therefore be pretty capable, he is not. He gets angry over small things, obsesses on equally small things and has trouble expressing his feelings in appropriate ways. Some of these behaviors were seen this weekend, as just a few hours spent with him will make them difficult to avoid.

I try my best not to interfere too much in the systems that my parents have in place since they spend time with him day in and day out, but occasionally, a correction from me is called for. This weekend I found the theme of these to be that I needed to provide my brother with the words to express what he wanted before or even during a small temper tantrum so that his feelings of frustration could be alleviated. I also often find myself doing this with a young friend of mine (a 3 year old). They both want something. Sometimes it is clear to you without them telling you and sometimes it is not, but when they feel themselves being thwarted from getting it (even if it is something that they would be allowed to have), their immediate reactions involve a bit of yelling, sometimes crying and general incoherence. In these cases, I try to begin sentences for both of them that would help them get what they want. “Katie, can I please…?” And amazingly enough, when you open your mouth to speak rather than to cry or grumble, you get more of what you want than if you tried it the other way.

Candy, please!

First weigh-in

July 21, 2011 katierobinsonLeave a comment

Business is a go! Not only did I receive my business cards in the mail this week, I also have my first client consultation this weekend. It’s for a family for whom I used to babysit & will only be a consultation since they live in a different state.

The conundrum with which they are faced is that their child is hitting other children when she is in a daycare setting. She is only acting out in this particular venue and does not spend more than 4 or 5 hours there per week. While I have some thoughts for the family to help eliminate these behaviors, the real problem that I see is that for the first time their daughter is acting out when out of their control. That is a worrisome prospect for any parent. Teaching your child while you’re in the confines of your home or while you’re out at the grocery story with them still means that you have the power to discipline them or step in to an escalating situation if necessary. When faced with a situation like theirs, it can be especially alarming to hear negative things reported about your child. The important thing to remember is that, especially with younger children, they’re still learning how to generalize their behaviors from the safety of your home and presence into new settings. And that you still have at least a little bit of control even while they are out of your sight. Once we speak this weekend, I’ll weigh-in with my opinions about measures that they can take to help correct their daughter’s behavior.

How did you do it?

July 18, 2011 katierobinsonLeave a comment

That question has been asked of me by a number of parents over the years. They let me know before leaving that little Johnny or Sue isn’t down with eating anything right now. They simply throw their food everywhere. Or I’ll hear that little Oscar or Ashley is very into telling adults no and that I shouldn’t be surprised if I have a little fight on my hands when it’s time to…go to the library, get ready for bed, or eat lunch.

Sometimes miraculously, sometimes not, when these parents get home from wherever, I’ll give them the report and they’ll come to find that there were no problems at mealtime or that our outing went smoothly or that bedtime was a breeze. And the question comes. How did you do it?

Parents and sitters are different, I know, but the techniques that make looking after kids a success can be applied by anyone. There should be little mystery in how to make your child behave, listen or be polite. Yet, there seems to be in many cases. Maybe a blog of kid filled anecdotes is one way to take some of the mystery out.