I walk into a room looking for a book. There is a kid in the room already. He immediately looks up at me and says, “What?!” I have two dichotomous mental reactions to this.

#1 What are you hiding?

And the more important…

#2 Does my appearance on the scene so often indicate an end to fun that it is often met with trepidation and suspicion?

Sigh. Maybe a little over the top, but it was made clear to me again recently, so I’ve been pondering it.

My brother is visiting us on his own for the first time. I picked him up from the airport yesterday to begin his one week stay. On the way home, he began fiddling with his many sets of headphones. If you’ve ever met him, you may understand his love of headphones. His collection is a point of contention at my parents’ house. He has so many and they get lost or broken often enough that his obsession with them can sometimes cause headaches for everyone.

As he fiddled, I noticed him sneaking nervous peeks at me while I drove. I kept my eyes on the road because I didn’t mind if he fiddled with his stuff (take it out, wind it up, switch it from hand to hand, put it back, repeat). But he’s pretty conditioned to be wary of his obsessive headphone actions. He’s used to being told that he can only bring one pair with him or to take them out while he’s walking somewhere, etc. So he was quick to say “What?!” to me if I looked at him because he was ready to be scolded.

I understand this reaction because I have elicited it in from a few kids in my day. Makes me wonder if a few too many of my interactions with them are to ask them to do or not do something or get ready to leave or put their toys away or boss them in some other way. I can understand why they would sometimes be suspicious of my entry. What?!

I’ll work to keep this in mind as my brother’s visit continues. I don’t want him to feel on the spot just because I look at him. I’ll try not to “check on him” and work to boss him a little less. He is on vacation after all.