Before school ended, when the sunny days were upon us, I spent a lot of time in the afternoons at the school playground. I know a 7-year old who was always anxious to join whatever friends were to be found after school. As many adults know, playgrounds aren’t always that much fun when you’re a grown up. You basically are there to watch, worry, settle disputes and wait for someone to need a hug (or stitches) after they fall.

One day, I was sitting, watching the action and letting my imagination run away with me. I began to imagine myself as a playground lifeguard instead of a participating caregiver. I thought about how people didn’t really talk to lifeguards when they were on duty. It’s their job to stay alert, always be watching and stay focused while on their shift. I imagined myself becoming a bit impervious and stoic behind my sunglasses- ever watchful, but ever apart. Sure enough after a little while of sitting, I was called upon to step-in for a put-upon kid. “They’re not playing by my rules,” I heard. I sat and thought for just a second and then decided to do my best impression of the Man with No Eyes from Cool Hand Luke (with perhaps a little less malignance).

I said one thing to make my position that day known. “You’re going to have to solve your problems on your own.” He sat on the wall with me for another minute, pondering the situation and what he was willing to do about it and then got up and went back to playing. With my watchful eye, I kept track of him and his friends. I don’t think that he aired his grievances about whatever rules to whatever game he disagreed with, but I do think that he thought about whether or not he wanted to make a stink over it. He decided against it and figured that he’d rather play a different way than give it up altogether.

Since I seem to be all about giving kids room to breath and trip and make mistakes, I wanted this lifeguarding to be an extension of that. Of course I’m here if you need me. If you’re drowning, I will save you. No question. But if you’re just learning to swim and looking a little like a fish out of water, you don’t need saving. I’ll stay stoic behind my sunglasses until there’s a real emergency.

Now give me a kiss and go play.