<Shudder>

Just the title of this post gives way to uncomfortable thoughts. They center around disciplining someone’s child in my home and disciplining my child in front of a friend of theirs. Both of these can be sticky situations to say the least. Any ways to make them a little less sticky? Maybe. As with any suggestions, you just have to figure out what works for you. So here are some thoughts:

#1 Enlist the help of your child in telling their friend the “rules” of the house

If there is a specific shoe place for when they come in from playing? Have your child point out to your guest where that is. That way, your kid can be the model of following the house rules for their friend.

“Can you please show Katie where her coat can be hung up?”

“Can you please tell Katie what our rule is about running in the house?”

Now these little clues might not work, but having your kid show them the ropes can be much smoother than an adult (especially one that they don’t know too well) getting involved.

#2 Use the phrase “In this house”

Don’t put too fine a point on anything and please don’t expect much from kids you don’t know very well. But saying “In this house, we clean up the toys after we play with them,” let’s your guest know that this expectation of them might not be in every part of life, but it does hold some weight in the house they’re visiting. This helps them know what is expected of them in this particular situation. Kids know that they can and sometimes should behave differently in different settings, so defining the setting for them might help them accomplish the task you’re asking them to do.

#3 Don’t introduce any new rules to follow when a guest is there

If your kid doesn’t know about a certain expectation, don’t bring it up for the first time when they have a friend over. It will not go as you hoped.

#4 If YOUR child needs to be disciplined while a friend is over, then discipline them

Being consistent means just this: Rules and expectations don’t change just because you have a friend over. I expect the same level of behavior from you as I always do. If that means that they get a warning and then a few minutes of not playing with their friend, all the better to send them the message that you’re serious. Remember that you are not embarrassing your child. You are simply following through on a commitment that you made to them. They have the choice to embarrass themselves or not.

As when any guests are at our houses, we want to be on our best behavior. Help every kid to achieve just that.