When people first get the news that they’re going to be parents, many of them start reading books, taking classes and talking to other parents about what to expect. There are birthing classes, baby CPR classes, car seat installation seminars and swaddling experts. There are professionals who excel at getting your baby to sleep. There are philosophies on co-sleeping, attachment parenting, ferberizing and more. The amount of organized learning that parents take part in during the first year of their child’s life is staggering.

Once you know how to feed your child and when they should be walking and talking, the support available really falls away. I guess we think that we have launched the family in its boat and now it is up to them to get under way. So while most parents know where to turn if they have a colicky child, they may not be so sure of who to turn to once their child can talk and demand things of them. Why is it that we have so many supports available to parents of young children, but so few for parents of 10 year olds? Many parents never take part in any “continuing education” once their children are toddlers. I’m not advocating that it should be mandatory. I just worry that this lack of focus and support for all parents might be a bad thing in the long run.

I am currently co-teaching a parenting class that includes clients who have been mandated to attend by CPS. I think that a parenting class can benefit any parent and it seems a shame to me that we only work to educate parents as a reaction to some episode in their families. Why do we not promote parent education courses for all? Just as in medicine, isn’t prevention much more effective than curing? There are many parents who will never be involved with CPS, but they may be facing some of the same problems as people who are. Reducing the stigma and judgment that we, as people, put on to other parents might be a start in opening up a real conversation about the struggles inherent in this tough job.

Parenting is a tricky business, filled with cultural expectations and political undertones, not to mention being present for your children. It’s easy to scapegoat parents, saying that many of the problems that society faces are due to bad parenting. So wouldn’t it make sense to invest in parents rather than to bad mouth them?

I know, I know. Big ideas. But to me it just seems like common sense.