When I was teaching, I used to hear this statement from parents quite often. I didn’t see many parents during those years (and some I never met), but when we got together to discuss educational or behavioral goals for their kids, they so often agreed with what school staff were saying, but did not know how to help their kids meet those goals. Their responses would invariably be that they had been telling their child not to be late for school or telling them not to disrespect school staff.

As soon as I heard those “telling” words, I knew that change was going to be hard for this kid as well as for their parents. The point that was hard to convey was that telling them really wasn’t enough, especially when their child is 14 or 15 and has been “told” many things that aren’t backed up. These can come in the form of broken promises or empty threats.

The lack of follow through and support from my students’ homes made it all the more vital and  challenging for me to follow through when I said I was going to do something. It wasn’t always easy to do and sometimes I slipped, but trying to give them something to count on, even if it was unpleasant was crucial to making their year even moderately successful.

So what’s the moral of this story?

Maybe it is: Show them, don’t tell them.

If you want your child to be disciplined, then show them what discipline in your own environment looks like. If you want them to be friendly, show them what being friendly looks like. If you want them to look both ways before they cross the street, make a point of showing them how you look both ways before crossing the street.

So don’t just keep on telling them.