When people are asked why they go into non-profit work or social services, an answer that is often given is that they want to “make a difference” or have a hand in changing the world. We, as a society, see these kinds of ventures as “selfless” or sacrificing and, while we don’t value them with much money, we do express their value in words. “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Everybody loves a good Gandhi quote.

An area where this attitude of “changing the world” is a problem is when it comes to children. Helping to change their individual worlds so that there are less toxins, environmental hazards and abusive relationships is a wonderful parental responsibility. But sometimes parents take this job too far and try to change other aspects of a child’s world.

Sometimes for children who exhibit negative behaviors, excuses are made for them in school and elsewhere in their public interactions. If Luther has a hard time following directions and listening to authority figures, his parents may step in and try to explain to school officials and the like that Luther is different from other kids. He has trouble adjusting. He needs a little more freedom and space than the others do. He’s always been a little hyperactive and they just need to deal with him in this particular way.

I was talking with a teacher friend of mine a few days ago who was lamenting a student who is mocking other students, mocking her, looking for control in inappropriate ways, etc. etc. And the initial reaction by the parents of this student was filled with excuses. The gist of the message being that they expected the school to accommodate his disrespectful behaviors because that’s just “the way he is.”

Now my question for you is this: When parents defend their children in this way or expect environments to change instead of their children, how are they helping their children to learn and grow? Are they helping them at all? Are they hindering their development as individuals?

I, of course, think that I know the correct answers to these questions, but I’m open to a convincing argument. So, convince me. And help me to change my little view of the world, if indeed it does need changing.